Thursday, October 20, 2011

Freedom on My Mind

A fellow blogger is celebrating what her family has deemed " Freedom Day" writing up a wonderful post about it at http://www.carriesayer.com/2011/10/tgif-freedom-day.html  She has no idea how timely and inspirational this post was for me at this time.

It has been a really difficult past 2 years for my family to the point I felt myself "shutting down" losing all my passion for writing or anything for that matter. Before I took down my other blogs, I use to write on them almost daily and wrote many articles- I LOVED to write, while not always the best, it was something I truly enjoyed and most days felt I had something to say. 2 years ago hubby was making good money while we lived in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, yet he was gone so much he was never really a part of the family, it was rare we could find time to do much together.as a family. Because of the stress of his job and his horrible fast food diet, he had 2 heart attacks at age 38 that let us know we needed a drastic change. So I took it upon myself to create that drastic change and being inspired from reading a book called UNJOBBING- we packed up a small trailer and moved our family down to North Carolina at a time the economy was crashing all around us.

In North Carolina we dealt with culture shock and immense heat, a true change from 30 feet of snow a year! We dealt with more poisonous snakes, spiders and critters that still make me shudder and of course being worse than Michigan we found NO JOBS yet we did not let that deter us. We lived a whole year off of Scrap Metaling and odd jobs, rough but we did it and loved all the time we had together as a family. We raised almost all of our food and while money was in small portions, we made it yet the kids HATED living in North Carolina. So we sold everything we owned and moved back to Michigan and I mean we sold EVERYTHING. We only brought what we could fit into the trunk of our car and while we did not go back to the Upper Peninsula area, we came back to Mid-Michigan where much of our family lives sort of close by ( 50 to 80 miles at least)

Hubby did find work the first day we got here, a sad day it was for all of us for him to return back to a 9-5 world. With the economy, his line of work which usually is in the fast foods, had changed and he is looking at minimum wage and struggling to be able to get 40 hours a week, some weeks he only gets around 28 hours in! He also wound up at a place where there are no raises at all really, only 10 cents an hour a year IF the store makes all their goals which NEVER happens.

I found myself facing a thousand times MORE criticism over our lifestyle choices than ever before, simply by moving back to Mid-Michigan and woman that became backstabbing and quite hurtful in the local homeschool group I was working on putting together. While I will not go into details of the events, it was ill timed and at a point our car had broken down  and hubby and I found ourselves biking 5 miles to town on a daily basis for almost 3 months for work, groceries and getting laundry done.

I Crashed, I shut down, filled with defeat and lost my ZEST, my passions that have always led me and served me well in the past. My blogs were removed, I quit writing articles, I quit allowing myself to dream and accepted the deep worry that comes from living on less than $15,000 a year for a family of 5. While I put up the blog here, I found it hard for me to write much on a regular basis, I just felt there was not much to say. I found it hard to be inspired when daily I worry about getting propane to heat my home, will there be enough gas in the car to get hubby back and forth to work for the week, will there be enough for food this week and it has always been my responsibility to "Make it Work" regardless of the income and bill ratio.

I am a firm believer in the Law of Attraction, that like attracts like and your thoughts manifest your reality so much to the point it has had me called an "Idealist, a Dreamer, My head in the clouds and more" Yet I have been struggling with even this as I have let worry take over this year and saying over and over "it is NOT working!"

I have been called resilient as my determination to keep food on the table gave me the strength to bike to town in 100 degree heat and load my bike with 80 pounds of groceries ( 3 days worth of food for my family of 5)  or going on a 12 mile bike ride for harvesting extra food such as pears, apples and whatever else I could find. Yes resilient was a good word, a strength I can accredit my mother and grandmother for!

I have also felt the pressure of setting an early retirement date for hubby for 4 years from now and everyday worrying "HOW THE HELL IS THIS SUPPOSE TO HAPPEN?" "How can I make this work?" "How are we gonna come up with the money to go on our horseback trip across America to celebrate this event?  "Am I crazy? Am I simply a dreamer where the dreams will never happen? Is my head simply in the clouds and I need to accept poverty for all my days here on  earth?

I have also noticed with my crashing my darling hubby has become GRUMPY, SHORT TEMPERED, ANGRY and easily AGITATED ALL THE TIME NOW.

Then I realized something this morning as I read Carrie Sayers Post about Freedom Day at http://www.carriesayer.com/2011/10/tgif-freedom-day.html

That all that has been happening is due to our LOSS of FREEDOM- we have settled for LESS, we have ACCEPTED our struggles as our lot in life. That NOTHING has to do  with outside influences at all but has everything to do with FREEDOM.

We had freedom for a year, we proved it could be done, we were doing it and living in perfect vibration for our life we wanted so much to create. We lost our way and let LIFE take over again and it is becoming painfully aware that NONE of us are happy with it. We feel caged, we are once again slaves in the mainstream line of thinking again. We are not using time wisely nor in our best interest. We are out of sync with the rhythms of our desires.

"Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend" this quote that is displayed at the top of my blog here keeps going through my mind. Yes, time IS the most valuable thing a man can spend and it is well known that time is not on your side when you work the 9-5. You are exchanging your time for money and the man that works a 9-5 is wasting a lot of time working harder for less money rather than having money work hard for you to free up your time to do the things you really want to do. 

This makes me realize, I AM NOT OKAY with a retirement goal 4 years down the road, it needs to happen much sooner although the horseback trip across America will remain at a 4 year goal simply because our youngest daughter will then be of an age I am comfortable with  such a trip as that.

One of the first things Law of Attraction teaches us, is that we are not suppose to worry about the "HOWS" of what we want to manifest. Nor are we suppose to use up our valuable energy worrying about food, bills, heat and all the what nots. I KNOW THIS but for this year I AM GUILTY AS CHARGED. Yet when it boils down to it, our needs have always been met! We have always had a roof over our heads and 3 meals a day on the table. We have never frozen to death in a winter and we have always had something we could wear on our bodies.

I think over the past few years rather than raising the bar, we have been lowering it, yet again sabotaging our life's with old tapes with outdated beliefs. This needs to stop.

Freedom is the key that truly holds our hearts and the  loss of it has underlying built up resentments happening. I mean really how can one free themselves from the 9-5 world and then go back and NOT harbor any resentments? Especially since it is a low paying dead end job that you KNOW will never go anywhere?

So I  think it is due time I pull my head out of the sand, dust myself off, raise the bar and let inspiration fill me once more as we work towards that freedom we all seem to strive for. It is also time to quit wasting my good energy on worrying which places way too much focus on the problems rather than the solutions. It is also time to quit being so wishy washy on what is it that we really want, and truly define what we want and work towards manifesting it into our lives.

There is no reason we can not have that life we really want with freedom reigning in every aspect of our daily lives.....