Come join me on facebook!

https://www.facebook.com/carrie.hetu

I was blown away the other day when I went to check on my facebook page and noticed an overwhelming number of my friends changing their profile pics. One of my friends had the idea and asked one of her friends to create profile pics to show solidarity of support in lieu of my latest update. Feel free to friend request me where I give much more timely news updates on facebook than I do anywhere else!

These are all the images people are using for me that words can not begin to say how touched I am and full of gratitude I am.

Now I am sure you may be wanting an explanation, especially since I have been awful at posting on a regular basis!

Some of you may remember my post back in September I am So Over Hilda That pesky tumor that showed up while all the others had stabilized. They had put me on a new treatment of Zoladex shots and Letrazole pills and December 1, not knowing if the treatment was working yet or not, my family sold everything we had and moved 3000 miles across country to beautiful Southern Oregon.

As soon as we got to Oregon, while I was working getting all the medical stuff switched over, Hilda raised her ugly head and I started having problems. She had grown to where she is pressing on the rib cage again,  well at least inflamed in my liver causing a lot of pain.

It took a month getting my new state insurance and an appointment with my new oncologist for a consultation. A few days before the appointment we discovered a lump in my breast and one in my lymph nodes where the neck meets the shoulder.

The oncologist confirmed this, as well as a couple more which means Hilda has given birth to offspring and the cancer is spreading again.

To what extent remains to be seen as we wait for a PET scan now, which the insurance does not usually cover leaving my oncologist to try to get creative in how to word it to get the insurance to cover it. We need this to show how much of the cancer is active, how bad it has spread and to come up with a new fight plan of attack.

On a side note, Oregon is just what the doctor ordered for a spiritually uplifting most gorgeous scenery ever to be seen and a much warmer climate. This has me hiking all over the place building strong muscles again as we gear up for another battle I want to be strong for!

We live in an area where in January it has been mid 40's and 50's, kind of like a rain forest feel where everything is lush and green, not to mention the hikes have us going up and down the mountainous hills! IT IS AMAZING! No more freezing and hibernating under a blanket for 4 to 5 months in the winter!

So if you like, join in the support by choosing one of the pics above and friend requesting me on facebook ( the link at the very top of this post!) I love a news feed full of awesome people like yourself!

Die Hilda, Die! I am not done living yet!

Zoladex Shots

Everything came back where the one tumor we named Hilda that was not responding to Tomaxifen was made up of the same stuff as the others. This means it is still part of the original breast cancer but just not responding for some reason. This has led to a new plan of attack where now I will be getting a Zoladex shot once every 28 days and will be switching to some other pill soon as well getting off the Tomaxifen.

The purpose of the Zoladex shot is to overstimulate certain hormones which will lead to them shutting down completely for awhile.  It is a pellet that gets shot into belly fat under the naval line where it releases slowly the first 8 days then more rapidly the remaining time.

Since this is going to work on hormones, hot flashes are a given , general fatigue and grumpiness as well.  More emotional than I normally would be or just the feeling of being down or in a funk for no real reason. But I am aware this is stemming from the medication so not allowing it to run into total chaos and rampant out of control outbursts.

In other ways I am feeling really great, especially since I have recovered from the liver surgery. I am feeling GOOD and I am so full of gratitude for feeling so amazing!

It will be awhile before we know if this new plan of action will work or not. I am not exactly sure how long as I forgot to ask my oncologist but since I had just had my PET scan right before surgery a month ago, I am guessing I may have to wait 3 months before I know anything for sure.

One thing you learn through the cancer journey is PATIENCE!

Color Me a Rainbow

Color me a Rainbow where laughter fills the air,
Where wings uplift me in prayer,
and music eases my pain for a restful night.

Color me a Rainbow that heals through touch,
where cancer does not become the crutch,
where lights fills the darkness, no matter how bleak.

Color me a Rainbow, where your voices fill my ear,
whispering encouragement, that chases away fear.
Courage, to face the factor of x........unknown.

Color me a Rainbow, made with love and care,
enough for all cancer patients, then some to spare.
For all affected by it as well, the affects run wide and deep.

Color me a Rainbow that leads to amazing things.
That shows the caring side of Human Beings.
That eases the struggle, if even for a brief moment.

Color me a Rainbow, of embracing all before me,
and all one can still become, what one can be.
For cancer is not an ending, but a beginning of new

Opportunities and Blessings.

Color me a Rainbow

Written by Carrie Hetu  20 month Stage IV Cancer Sur-thriver!

I am SO OVER Hilda!

So, lets see , I found it almost sad, that I had to ride out the week looking for my humor to return, funny how the right kind of pain can send humor flying out the window.
I had taken comfort for 18 months that things and procedures were always far worse off in my mind than the reality of it once it was done and said. Not with Hilda, oh no, since the beginning of her miraculous appearance she has been trying to ninja kill me, but baby I am fighting back! But I tell you, every thing to do with her, one, lonely hard to get to out of place tumor, my mind could NOT conceive exactly how bad it was........and from the beginning has been far worse in reality!


So on to the surgery, I am sure you are wondering..........I don't think I will be recommending liver section 7 surgery anytime soon to anyone!

We get there at 10 am for them to look all bewildered saying didn't anyone tell you they moved your surgery later in the day? Why no, no they did not! When is is if not at noon? Oh 1:45 great, we love to hang around waiting rooms for hours for a surgery I am scared to death of!

They get me back there finally, and are running behind, around 3pm they start prepping me, mind you I had nothing to eat or drink since the previous night and was starving by this time! Finally I am ready, they give me something and I am out in seconds. It is on my paperwork I don't take morphine well, the last time vomiting over 8 hours straight on it.

I  have glimpses after that, waking up feeling like someones hand was still grabbing my liver ( no worries it was just the pain of probing and incision.) I remember gasping unable to breathe. Someone calling my name but I could not focus and I was out again. Calling my name again, I don't want to wake up. I want to be left alone, I never want to wake up again........go away.....out again.

Alarms going off, can't breathe nurse saying they need  to get me on oxygen again, Oh you giving me a shot? I ask...out like a light.

Name being called, the room is spinning, dry heaves starting, give me something, who knows what, back to sleep, name called told to breath still nauseated. Someone mentions me being discharged I am like WHAT? NO, I am suppose to be here 2 or 3 days! What are you talking about? At same time as sick as I felt I could not IMAGINE going home in that condition! I could not even open my eyes without getting sick and dry heaving.

Hubby saying they couldn't do the whole thing.........WHAT THE HELL?  WHAT DO YOU MEAN? Now this part was beyond disappointing, the pain I was feeling, the feeling so sick I just wanted to die feeling was for WHAT Exactly?  He was able to get a biopsy of it, but was unable to burn it kill it as originally planned. He could not pull my liver down enough. The pain seering right below my rib cage so every time I inhale ........it HURTS like crazy! The last time I felt pain like that was 18 months ago when the tumors had all grown large enough to hit my rib cage. My eyes remained closed all the way home and oh I finally stopped dry heaving sometime after midnight.

It is GREAT that he at least got the biopsy because so far even that has not gone as planned, I had lost my confidence about always thinking the best and no worries. Hilda is worrying me like crazy if I were to be totally honest! So I get home and call my Oncologist the next day being Tuesday hoping I can get in when she is on usually on Wednesdays to find results and new treatment plan. She went on vacation for 2 weeks.......... Sigh I have 2 weeks to mull over my worst fear......I actually had night terrors about it for 3 or 4 days straight upon coming home.

Normally I stay optimistic however like I said, nothing about Hilda has proven simple, easy or gone as planned.

My fear is that after all this, I will be told it is not something that will respond to any treatment and I will have to go back and do the ORIGINAL liver surgery plan being an even bigger operation and a whole lot more pain after all.  I am still having problems 9 days after surgery from the less invasive one I just had, from just taking a biopsy! to go through a major one actually cutting a portion of my liver out with up to 7 days in hospital and an average 6 week recovery time?

Knowing what I now know, I have been thinking if it came down to that, I am not so sure I would go through with it. I know the pain is fresh in my memory and I do not seem to tolerate anesthesia well at all. But then I thought......... but then how much pain would I be willing to go through in order to live into the long survival end?  There lies the problem of the unknown factor, to put myself through that for another year or two? Um I don't think so. But if it meant living 15 plus years? Yikes that is not an easy answer..........perhaps if it was guaranteed. LOL Guess I will cross that bridge when I have to.

I am hoping there will be a better plan and that Hilda will respond to some type of treatment.

I see my Oncologist on the 10th, all will then be revealed..........in the meantime take deep breaths.

Hilda the Alien Tumor!

Only a German Woman could cause so much trouble!  ( I should know, I am part German and most days a Woman too! LOL)

So a needle biopsy was scheduled and we went in for that....it was scheduled for noon and not being able to eat or drink anything that morning. It was going to be guided by a CT scan so while I was in the machine, he would be able to see and direct the needle. Well of course it could not be that easy! By 4pm I was so hungry and thirsty is was not funny and it was discovered he could not do the biopsy. His exact words was "It would be suicide!"  It seems Hilda does not want to be disturbed so she can grow big and strong. She took up residence in the top most portion of my right lobe on my liver. This would have meant the needle would have had to gone through my rib cage from the side and to actually reach the tumor, would have punctured my lung and collapse it.

I was sent home. I was now to see a Liver Surgeon Specialist they faxed all my records to for a possible liver resection surgery. I did some research and became quite anxious......... 5- 7 days in hospital, 12 inch scar and average 6 week recovery time....... each time someone called and spoke to me and each time I researched just seemed to paint a worse picture than before causing my stress to go through the roof. I was for the first time in a long long time, have mild anxiety attacks and was to be honest, totally freaked out!

In the meeting it was terrifying for the first half, there was talk of not only going in and taking 50% of my liver, but doing the mastectomy too!  After my oncologist called to confer with him it went to a much less invasive plan that I could not be more relieved to hear!

It seems that even if they would have done the radical surgery, there is one spot near my heart too deep to get too. So the point of removing it all to lower the risk of re-growth and continued spreading is void since there would be the one spot still there .... as long as there is one, the risk for spreading and growing is always there. Besides the one spot near my heart is one of the older ones that has still been responding to my Tamoxifen.

So this brings us to the less invasive plan! I am going in for 3 days ( with about that for recovery time) where he will make a cut large enough to fit his hand in along with a few other tiny slices , strategically placed. He will then reach up and pull my liver down a little to get a needle biopsy and then burn Hilda to her death.

I am much more at ease with this plan of action! The biopsy will tell my oncologist what she needs to do for a plan of treatment. It is also good to know as good as I have been feeling, I wont be put back out of commission for such a lengthy time reduced to being on the couch or in bed!

Die Hilda Die!

New Cancer Update!

 
                                                               Me a year ago last March!

New Dentures, Hair color and healthy weight!

I am irish, so had to go with light auburn! 

Wow I can not believe 5 months have gone by without any posts on this blog! I am looking and feeling good and just recently celebrated my 15th wedding anniversary! Amazing what a difference just a year in photos can make! My hair came in ALL white and I looked 70 so thought a new color was in order for a bit!

I had my latest scan which turned up crazy, putting me in a low emotion wise for the rest of the day but each morning is a new day! I knew I just needed to sink into my disappointment and process all the new information. With a good night sleep I knew I would be back to my positive, happy self and I was.

Now I have scans every 4 months, this most recent scan showed the few spots of cancer I have to have remained exactly the same from the scan 4 months ago to the one I just had. The Cat scan showing no change at all means that it has all stabilized ( about 6 or 7 spots altogether) These are all about the size of a pea which is good because it has gone from only 3% of my liver being healthy when I was first diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer to about 90% healthy liver now! AWESOMESAUCE RIGHT?

Well it would be but for something strange and something NEW!

There is a new spot that was not there on the past scan but is there on the most recent. It is 3cm so about the size of a golf ball. It is a perfect circle which cancer is not typically a perfect circle. It could be a sign that my cancer has adapted and mutated but then it is weird and rare that it would only be ONE SPOT. Even more weird is that this is there and new yet nothing else had any changes what so ever.

So it boils down to everyone is really puzzled by this foreign alien baby misplaced from my uterus growing on my liver. 

This had me having to go to a hospital farther away to have a 2 hour PET/CT Scan done. They pump radioactive substance into you through an IV for an hour ( after doing a glucose test to make sure they can even do the test) and then run you through this tube. One side is the CT scan that gives the anatomy of the spot, and the PET scan gives the physiology composition of it.  They take the CT scan film and then lay the PET scan film over the top giving them a more 3D diagram and detailed images of exactly what they may be looking at. The radioactive stuff seeks out and binds to the cancer......much like a heat seeking missile and this will show them how your tumors react to sugar as cancer feeds on sugar. Really cool interesting stuff!

So NOW I am waiting, the test was 2 days ago and I sit, and I wait. This test will determine if I need a biopsy on that spot in my liver or the next step from here. 

As of right now we have no clue weather it is  a mutated adapted cancer not responsive to hormone therapy or if it is not cancer and perhaps something else.

The waiting is always the hardest! But in the meantime I am getting more active and been feeling better than I have in years! We have been going for bike rides, beach and walks around parks with the dogs and kids. It has been an incredible summer with mild temps and just amazing.

Hopefully the news I am waiting for won't be bad news!

My Port is Coming Out!

I had my  scan done at the end of January and then got to see my Oncologist which as a really good report. It was my first scan since I have gotten off of Chemo and on to the Tamoxifen and it showed that my tumors are still responding and continuing to shrink! Pretty much all I have left is the tumors on my liver and they are nothing like they were.

They have decreased by tons in size and I do not have as many either, so have lots of healthy liver showing right now. All good news, I am really looking forward to getting a "There is No Sign of Cancer or Tumors" showing! I know this is a big hope, but the way I have been responding, I know that it is not an impossible hope, it is real and hope is hope, it is all good.

The best news is, with the way I am responding, she agreed it was time for my port to be able to come out, so I go in for surgery Wednesday for it's removal. This makes me so happy since mine was nothing but problems and they rarely used it anyways, giving me chemo by needle in my veins as they could not use the port if they did not get the blood return. It also itches like ALL  the time and is quite aggravating!

I may have to get another one put in down the road if I ever need to get chemo again but who knows when that may be. All that matters is that it gets to come out now, and that makes me so happy!

I have noticed my weight may have to be watched closely as weight gain is not uncommon on Tamoxifen and I weighed myself at 147 lbs this morning! I don't like getting over 145 lbs so will have to keep a close eye on it.

So really now, I need to focus on creating good healthy habits which to be honest has been a huge struggle for me.  From eating, to quitting bad habits, to exercising, I really need to work up a plan and stick to it, not just for me but my whole family and that is what I am going to be focusing on this year.

It is going to be a great year and a wonderful life!

Happy New Year I'm Still Here Baby!

Sorry it has been awhile since the last Cancer Progress Update but well, you know holiday and cold and flu season was here. I hope your holiday season was as blessed and joyous as my families was and that you have an amazing epic year in 2014!


I was not so sure this time a year ago I would even see 2014 come around and I can not tell you how just blown away from the love and support and cheering me on from online friends as well as off line family and friends. 2013 was an intense ride that nobody was too sure of the outcome.

Chemo knocked me literally on my ass, my liver was shot, my teeth ripped out of my mouth after rampant dental infections, the garden went to weeds and hubby was afraid of our rooster so dusting for mites did  not get done resulting in a small flock of naked chickens!

I did NOT get to do much of changing my lifestyle as I wanted because it literally was a 10 round knock out fight it seemed to simply survive. I did not have house keepers to clean my house, although I think my family will be learning the art of true cleaning this year! I did not have someone there to cook me nutritious broths, teas or use the juicer for me. Heck I did not even have some one in the house that could cook ( that is in the process of changing as well! LOL) unless it involved hot pockets and microwaves!

I also could not get off the chair for most of the year and was left in a very weak state, where I think our house mice are more productive and could carry more weight than I!

So my goals for 2014 is to finish what I started here. To eat healthy, develop a good exercise plan to build muscle back up, to keep a low stress life, to eat foods that may help fight cancer, and to rock the heck out of 2014!

Today I feel GREAT, those pictures are pretty recent ones and I am starting the year weighing in at
143 1/2 pounds!

January will bring my first CT Scan since chemo stopped and Tamoxifen pills have started followed by a visit to my doctor so will have more to report on all that in a few weeks.

In the mean time I will try to keep up with posts here and talk about my health plans, juicing, and other complimentary things I will be doing!

Thank you for all your wonderful caring support and lets rock out 2014 together! I promise and epic adventure!

There is Always Hope

This beautiful and inspiring woman with a powerful message contacted me through email this morning asking if I would share her story. Her husband shared his side of the story from a caretakers perspective back in March. You can read his side HERE.

You can read about Heathers treatment HERE

I hope you enjoy her story as much as I have and I feel really honored she contacted me to share her story with you.

Have an Amazing week full of Miracles and moments that take your breath away!

.
 

Hell Yes Edition

Older Post from my Poor to Rich a Day at a Time Blog as I try to catch up on my blogging :)


Well it has been awhile since a really good  cancer update, the days still get away from me and the time seems to fly by without much getting done other than facebook fun LOL. I am real good a little blurbs and update on facebook most days so if ya like go ahead and look me up and send a friend request!

Now for all the nitty gritty details.

I have had 3 scans where between the first 2 scans, yes it was working, you could visibly see some shrinkage of the tumors. The third scan not only showed a much faster and noticeable shrinkage between the 3rd and 1rst scan but the difference between the 3rd and 2nd scan was like night and day! HUGE difference! The tumors in my lungs are all gone completely. There was a part of my liver that was a huge solid mass originally that is now just a small spot. You can see LOTS of healthy liver between fairly small tumors now. Originally you could not see any liver and the tumors there were huge, larger than the one on my breast even which was the size of an orange! ( You can not even feel the one in the breast anymore either which is tremendous)

Also my liver counts have been PERFECT for several weeks now! Ta Da!

For most of July I have felt WONDERFUL, much like my old  self again and I am back to being sassy, full of zest and rearing to go with a build up of energy, I don't like sitting around for months doing nothing! All that did was get me addicted to Facebook because that was all about the only thing I could do other than watch my movie at night before bed!

I am suppose to go every week since they changed my chemo to just one drug as June had proved too much for me and rendered me a mess that could not even lift my arms or hands. But that has been pretty much go 2 weeks in a row then 1 week off because my white blood cells drop and leaves me at risk  for getting sick easily.

There is also talk of and END DATE woo hoo! I will have one more scan around August 20th and seeing what that shows, my doctor may be able to give me an end date for chemo then I will be placed on a hormone treatment that will be just taking a pill . This means I will only have to go see my doctor about once a month she says......... OH HAPPY DAY THAT WILL BE! 

So yeah all is good, it may be pinching our finances tighter than I would like, but I have not stressed at all over that because it has been so worth it !

Kicking Cancers Butt one day at a time!

On a totally unrelated note, since everyone voted for me to condense all my blogs into this main one here, that is what I will be attempting to do so be patient while I try to make that happen in an organized manner! LOL

First Scan Results are In

Tuesday when we went in for chemo, we got our first scan results in, pretty much what we expected just by the feel of my own physical body and how I am feeling more like myself in general without any pain.  A few in my lung and lymph's have disappeared altogether while the rest are just continuing to shrink down nicely. The best news was that now you can actually see parts of my liver where in the beginning you couldn't, it was all tumors! Fan bloody tastic!

We talked with my doctor about being treated for the rest of my life, which her reply was "Yes you are certainly looking at some form of treatment or another for the rest of your life, which we hope is a long one!"

We also talked about my trying to mow the yard the day before and just not quite up to physical health just yet for such a feat, although I planned this activity for the purpose of gaining strength and endurance again! One thing I did forget though, was my doctor discussed people on chemo can be real sensitive to the sun, so I really need to watch how much I am out in the Sun. Raspberries, I LOVE being outdoors in the summer!


As of now she did suggest that perhaps a Vitamin D supplement would be beneficial to me as we simply do not get enough from the sun.  Also that we will be trying to get chemo for a 2 weeks in a row, one week off plan.........which will be the first time my body can handle a treatment 2 weeks in a row if my lab results come back okay this Sunday.  So far it has been every other week, but things have been looking just peachy, no side effects, no crashes, blood work fine everything! I am so very blessed to have everything going so smoothly.

Other than that, we are looking at about 2 more months of chemo where we will scan again, review and hopefully then go to hormonal therapy! WOOT!

So yeah, things are rolling right along and I am feeling better as each day passes, and each day is just bloody AMAZING!
 

Inspirational Guest Post

This very powerful, touching, inspirational guest post is from Cameron Von St. James, thankyou for sharing such a beautiful story! May your wife continue in good health and your family have a long loving lasting time together!

Providing Care During Cancer Recovery

My wife Heather was diagnosed with cancer in November of 2005. Every day since then, I have learned things about myself that I never thought were possible. I've watched her grow as a person, grown as a person myself, and learned so many valuable lessons that I couldn't possibly write them all here. I continue to learn each day and grow. It didn't start out that way, though. It started out in November of 2005 in a doctor's office with my wife and I scared senseless about the diagnosis we had just heard: malignant pleural mesothelioma. We'd just had our first child three months earlier, a beautiful baby girl we named Lily. How could this happen to us at what should have been the most joyous time of our lives?

We didn't have the answer, and over the following months, chaos set in. Heather quit her job to work full-time battling cancer. I worked as much as I could and served as caretaker of both my wife and my newborn daughter. I checked the mail and saw our growing medical bills and felt a huge weight amassing on my shoulders. Terror set in. How would we pay all these bills? How could we afford another trip to Boston, where Heather's treatment would take place? This was perhaps the hardest lesson I had to learn through this process:  that there is no room for pride or stubbornness in a battle with cancer. I had never before accepted financial help from family and friends but in this case I had to. My wife's life was on the line and I would do anything to keep her with me.

She needed me to give her love, and I gave her that, an unwavering support that on the outside seemed strong when she couldn't be. She won't ever know the number of nights I stayed awake crying, not knowing how we were going to make it, fearful of what would happen if she left Lily and I alone so early in life. Thankfully, that didn't happen though. Heather underwent months and months of grueling treatment for mesothelioma, including surgery, chemotherapy and radiation treatments in the attempt to rid her body of this cancer.  Today, over seven years since her diagnosis, Heather is cancer free, Lily has a beautiful mother, and I have a beautiful wife that has taught me so much about strength and bravery, and the power of hope and optimism.

Two years into her treatment, I went back to school full-time to study Information Technology and pursue my dream of earning a college degree.  The lessons I learned throughout my wife’s battle with cancer gave me the strength and determination I needed to achieve this goal.  I graduated with high honors, and was given the great honor of giving the commencement speech at my graduation ceremony. I told my fellow graduates that just a few years earlier, being told that my wife could die and leave me a widowed single father, I never imagined that I would be up on that stage giving that speech.  I told them that within each of us is the strength to accomplish incredible, even impossible things, if we only just believe in ourselves.   Lily and her mother were in the audience to cheer me on, and that was the greatest reward of all.