The Climb is Never too Steep - A Message of Never Giving Up

If I was a quitter, I would have quit a long time ago at a time where I was miserable, making one mistake after another. This included marrying the wrong guy, crying myself to sleep almost every night and just really hating who I was as a person which seems oh so long long ago!

Over the last 25 years though, I have crafted a life of knowing who I am and being very transparent of who I am. Honesty of our life is freely shared and I have nothing truly to hide. I am confident, intense and passionate about the life we live. I love to share everything we experience for the chance it may inspire or help others.

I may change plans and dreams due to circumstance, but I don't quit, I don't give up and I certainly do not allow my family to quit either. We adapt.

In this past year we have moved crossed country, lost my sweet mama as well as several of her brothers and sisters, we became homeless by choice, took a huge cut in income, discovered a brain tumor right before it killed me, and have had to seek help in a variety of ways.

However, we also have fell head over heels in love with Oregon, met the most amazing people and families, went to Spokane Washington and the wonderful Portland Oregon. We drove up to see Crater Lake when snow was still on the surrounding mountains around the lake. Which is good because now it is smoke filled from a fire in that area with an entrance closed off and one of the roads in closed off as well. We have explored our wonderful new town where we go for everything and they have the coolest shops! We are being sheltered in a small studio for the most incredible, big hearted folk you can imagine while we get treatment for myself and try to pull together our financial resources to find our own place. We have gone to some amazing parks and seeing the Rogue River daily is just amazing.


I never see our circumstances as a bad thing, just another step in our journey with so many beautiful things to keep fighting for. Or should I say flowing for , because is that really what a journey is? A beautiful flowing dance of good and bad? But what defines bad as bad? Is cancer bad? No, not really it is no different than what someone else would see as bad, just a different obstacle is all. Truly the really only bad thing I would agree with would be something awful happening to a mother and fathers child.

Debt, car loss, home loss, terminal or chronic illness...........I refuse to quit, it is just not worth quitting and is just a small obstacle one must creatively figure out while they continue to seek joy daily.

Learn to dance in the rain or smell spring flowers, laugh...oh  I can not stress laughter enough!

A daily Mantra should be "I can do this, yes I can!"

I simply just don't take giving up as an option, I just have way too much to live for and what I do TODAY is what matters. TODAY I choose to fight for our joy and always be full of gratitude.

Have a marvelously inspired fun filled weekend everyone!

Carrie Hetu

Following Dreams May appear as a Free-Fall Downslide At First

We had a tiny window in our decision to sell everything we owned almost in Michigan to come up with the funds to move to Oregon. We had an online friend willing to co-house a place she herself had just been able to get. We left not even knowing if the new treatment was even working or not although my Michigan Oncologist did everything in her power to ensure I would have enough medicine to tide me over for the delay between state insurances.....a 2 month supply basically.

Within 2 days of being on the road, I started hurting under the ribs and shrugged it off as the way I was sleeping.  Within a week, I knew that was not the case and that treatment simply was not working and the tumor was growing pressing on my ribs. By the time my insurance here in Oregon kicked in, 3 days before my first appointment, I was in excruciating pain, things did not taste any good and well, was back defying the grim reaper again. New oncologist switched my treatment ( back in February I believe) and we immediately started seeing results in my favor.

6 months we co-housed and as I said in an earlier post, my family just was not too happy sharing space, not that they were not nice, they were , just that we were not very compatible personalities. However I am forever grateful to experience it to see if it was for us and to know we had a place to come to when we got here. So we made the choice to go on an extended camping trip to explore Oregon. This lasted 5 days before I found out about the brain tumor and for the third time in 3 years defied the grim reaper. He loves to grab my hand and force me across the threshold to the other side and each time I pull back letting him know I am not ready. My family still needs me, I have dreams I want to fulfill and I simply am not gonna go easily so there!

Well we now for the past 2 1/2 months have technically been considered homeless, although we still for now have a roof over our heads at a friends who has given us a tiny studio that is a tad bigger than our 3 cabin tent. As soon as she found out about the brain tumor she would not allow us sleeping in the tent anymore. This also came at a time our van started really struggling with overheating and a badly needed brake repair which both of course are still in need of repair. We have tried 3 times at the mechanics to fix the overheating issue but it still continues to be a problem as the trip to Washington and Portland left us in the red for a little bit.

Many may say why would we ever take a trip knowing it would put us in the red and financially hurt us? Well it should not have but with the tumor it made for the worst navigation skills ever and had us driving around forever lost!  Also I truly did not know how long I may have so it is a trip I would do all over again since it may have been my 1 shot to explore the west beyond Grants Pass, meet the most amazing families and see some of the most beautiful scenery you can imagine.

Have we hit bottom yet? No, not really, bottom would mean no roof over our heads, going hungry, losing health insurance..........  it is just appearing to go in a downward slide, even our 14K has been cut in half with hubby having to become my full time care giver.

But we continue to live in the moment, seize the day, follow our grand dreams with a positive attitude ( other than me getting real anxious and ragey from the steroids they had me on through radiation! )
I also do have a plan to turn things around as long as my health holds out so I am really looking forward to how that plays out in our cards. I can not quite share that with you all yet though! But perhaps soon I will be able to!

Today is Monday, a day to start new beginnings so I wish all of you a fabulous week!

Turn the page,

Carrie Hetu

 

7 Days Across America

End of November had us making the decision to sell everything we owned and move 3000 miles from Michigan to Oregon. The only experience we had of being out of Michigan was small trips to Wisconsin, Indiana and we tried to live one year in North Carolina. This was by far the biggest road trip of our lives and we made it longer by going a south ward route in order to avoid cold and bad weather as far as snow and ice go..

We went through Illinois, Missouri, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada, North California and into South Oregon, our new home.  It was a trip of a life time, however it always seems far more fun in your head than when reality sets in! Our first stop was so our daughter could meet her online boyfriend (was at the time anyways) in Battle creek Michigan as we left our state. 

We had plenty of plans to stop  along the way but things came up that just did not allow for that. The biggest obstacle was discovering hubby is now night blind like me that almost ran us into a utility pole the first night. This drastically reduced our ability to drive being limited to only daylight hours as I have been night blind forever it seems like. 

We were able to stop at online friends houses along the way in Illinois and then again Oklahoma, which was incredible. We left 30 degree weather to be met with 60's once leaving Illinois for almost the entire trip which was amazing!  

It took 7 days to get to our new home and to say we were exhausted would be an understatement but the trip all in itself was an incredible learning experience. 

This post is long overdue as I am afraid I am not keeping up well here on the blog. But we are getting settled in finally and with warmer weather showing up, hope to be exploring our new home state. Of course it never really ever went under 45 here for winter temps for day time highs SWEET! 

Sorry this is a short post but thought I would give a quick update!  I will try harder and keeping you more up to date and talk about the learning happening! 

Co-housing to ease financial loads

If you would have asked me years ago, I would have replied I could never share a house with another family. But when we made the decision to move to Oregon, that is exactly what we did, as we had grown tired of trying to shoulder everything ourselves. No community to lean on, fighting not just our fight with having cancer but our financial struggles as well. We were given an opportunity to share a really large house with another family who also has their fair share of financial struggles.

It was not easy at first, it was a huge adjustment period, learning everyone's personalities, laying expectations out on the table and communicating everyone's needs and looking for solutions to  live peacefully within a tribe. Over time we have become family and bonds have been built which is different than simply a friendship when you share living space with others.

In many ways it quickly became a blessing especially with news of my cancer spreading again where I would need treatments again.  Housework is shared, rent , electricity and internet is split, food is kept separate with the exception of occasional community meals. We have our private spaces but share great company when we are up to it, regardless of weather conditions. There is an abundance of laughter and genuine caring about everyone in the household too.

 It is really nice to share the financial loads and is allowing hubby time to try his hand at entrepreneurship and grow a business. It also allows our room mate to try to grow her home business as well. While Co-housing certainly is not for everyone, we are finding it beneficial on many levels and for both families, not just one. By leaning on each other for now, we are raising each other up and allowing us this opportunity that otherwise never would have been able to happen. By leaning on each other, we were able to raise the bar in a standard of living, we did not have alone.

It has really been an amazing experience to open our minds up to this kind of lifestyle. How long will we co-house together? Nobody really knows, but for now it is working very well for our families and that is all that matters.

Second Round of Chemo is Now Commencing

Pet Scan results confirmed what we knew, however it was not as bad as feared either. Previous treatments had quit working and scan results are showing a spread of the cancer again. It never really went away so I can not even really call it a recurrence. Of course the worst and most concern is my liver again, it always seems to be the liver! While this news pretty much all came right after my 2 year survivor date, we have high hopes that the new fight plan will work to give me another year, and perhaps another, and maybe another..........

The new fight plan was the decision to go to round 2 of chemo treatments, since I had my port removed due to it never working this left us with one choice.

Eribulin also known by trade name of Halaven which can be given through my veins and does not need a port. I had my first treatment last Wednesday and go again this Wednesday for second treatment. I takes about an hour so not bad at all and runs in a 2 weeks on, 1 week off protocol if blood work and liver functions are all good. If you would like to know the possible side effects you can read that HERE.

Personally I did experience nausea, smells really were hard to take, fatigue, headaches, light headiness and  lack of appetite.  The worst were the first 2 days but really it was not a bad first week at all. The hardest part is it inflamed my liver even worse than what it was making the pain so intense I could not even hardly breathe.  But so far I am feeling better every day tired or not :)


When we got here to Oregon December 9th I weighed 156 pounds. Now I am down to 138........something to keep an eye on for sure.

My diet is really not the healthiest because I do not want anything but I am eating yogurt, orange sherbet and apple sauce with an occasional something else thrown in like boiled eggs on toast or sandwich.

I was getting some amazing hikes in, but those all came to a halt when the tumor in my liver started causing too much pain. I hope I wont be down long because I love my mountain forest hikes, but at least I get to see them from my porch windows.

Now let this second round of chemo do some major damage! Can I get a NED perhaps? ( no evidence of disease)

Count your blessings, fill your cup with gratitude. LIFE IS GOOD!

Come join me on facebook!

https://www.facebook.com/carrie.hetu

I was blown away the other day when I went to check on my facebook page and noticed an overwhelming number of my friends changing their profile pics. One of my friends had the idea and asked one of her friends to create profile pics to show solidarity of support in lieu of my latest update. Feel free to friend request me where I give much more timely news updates on facebook than I do anywhere else!

These are all the images people are using for me that words can not begin to say how touched I am and full of gratitude I am.

Now I am sure you may be wanting an explanation, especially since I have been awful at posting on a regular basis!

Some of you may remember my post back in September I am So Over Hilda That pesky tumor that showed up while all the others had stabilized. They had put me on a new treatment of Zoladex shots and Letrazole pills and December 1, not knowing if the treatment was working yet or not, my family sold everything we had and moved 3000 miles across country to beautiful Southern Oregon.

As soon as we got to Oregon, while I was working getting all the medical stuff switched over, Hilda raised her ugly head and I started having problems. She had grown to where she is pressing on the rib cage again,  well at least inflamed in my liver causing a lot of pain.

It took a month getting my new state insurance and an appointment with my new oncologist for a consultation. A few days before the appointment we discovered a lump in my breast and one in my lymph nodes where the neck meets the shoulder.

The oncologist confirmed this, as well as a couple more which means Hilda has given birth to offspring and the cancer is spreading again.

To what extent remains to be seen as we wait for a PET scan now, which the insurance does not usually cover leaving my oncologist to try to get creative in how to word it to get the insurance to cover it. We need this to show how much of the cancer is active, how bad it has spread and to come up with a new fight plan of attack.

On a side note, Oregon is just what the doctor ordered for a spiritually uplifting most gorgeous scenery ever to be seen and a much warmer climate. This has me hiking all over the place building strong muscles again as we gear up for another battle I want to be strong for!

We live in an area where in January it has been mid 40's and 50's, kind of like a rain forest feel where everything is lush and green, not to mention the hikes have us going up and down the mountainous hills! IT IS AMAZING! No more freezing and hibernating under a blanket for 4 to 5 months in the winter!

So if you like, join in the support by choosing one of the pics above and friend requesting me on facebook ( the link at the very top of this post!) I love a news feed full of awesome people like yourself!

Die Hilda, Die! I am not done living yet!

January Grocery totals $225 for the month!

We have found Oregon to be more expensive for rental/housing prices and for food, which I had already figured being a coastal state. One nice thing however is that Oregon is a no tax state so their is no sales tax on items purchased, compared to Michigan's 6% sales tax.

With that being said, I am tickled pink to say January found us spending a total of $225 for the whole month which covered pet food ( for 1 dog and 1 bunny) and personal care products such as toilet paper, shampoo, razors and soap.  It also reflected a few treat splurges such as a bucket of ice cream and cold cereal!

This is still while figuring out the best places to shop which we have been alternating Walmart's with Grocery Outlet for now depending on what we need.

While I did  not keep records of what we ate, some of the things we did eat for dinner were


Home made refried bean burritos

Pull apart pizza

Cooked chicken over fresh salads ( sauteed chicken breast with a little soy sauce,  mixed dark greens and purple lettuce, chopped green onions and chopped tomatoes) several times

browned ground beef with brown gravy and noodles

eggs, cheddar lil smokies and toast

waffles

cheddar lil smokies mixed with pasta and cream of chicken soup

cauliflower potatoes, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes and left over ham

Ham dinner ( brought and made by niece when they visited)

Of course there was more, I just can not remember. Hubby has cooked several dinners as I have had quite a few days I just have not felt up to it. It was confirmed at Oncologist appointment my cancer is spreading and now we are waiting for a pet scan to be scheduled to see how much it has spread and how much it is active to get a new fight plan going. I will write more about this over at my whole-istic living blog! You can read that post HERE

At any rate, I would have to say January was a huge success at keeping the grocery bill fairly low for a family of 4, while eating well.

How did you do for January grocery spending?

A New Year, A New Plan, A New Groove ......

What an exciting way to start a new year by starting a whole new way of life in a state 3000 miles from a state you lived your whole life in! Well all but 1 year when we attempted a year in North Carolina!  For now we have said goodbye to Michigan and have totally fallen head over heels in love with southern Oregon and the warmer temps combined with a beauty unmatched by Michigan!

Trying to get all my medical set up in a new state was difficult to say the least, even leaving in me in tears or rage on a few occasions.......seems like it is not all that popular for a stage IV breast cancer patient in the middle of treatment to sell everything they own and move cross country! With  that being said, it is finally all set up and done and waiting for new oncologist appointment next week. Being that I seem to be having problems with a tumor growing again ( did not have any problems until we hit the road to our new home and has been getting worse and more frequent in the meantime.)  But it is all good and will be getting answers soon.

We did not just leave Michigan, but made a commitment to hubby saying good bye to fast food work forever! I have to remind him it took big kahunas to sell everything we own and move to a new state, so working for himself is NOTHING and he can do it! He needs lots of encouragement, nudging to get motivated, help at knowing what to do and learn computers for the first time in his life but I know he can do it!

With all that being said, our

  GOALS FOR 2015 ARE :

1.) To work on my health, get my tumor that is causing a lot of problems under control, build muscles and strength, spend time in spiritually uplifting nature, keep stress low, humor and joy high

2.) Hubby to start generating income in his new entrepreneur adventure of odd jobs starting with window screen repair and side hustle jobs.

3.) Figure out how to live comfortably within the income we already receive through SSI payments for me being considered disabled in a manner expected to result in death........ I know right? Not that I buy into the resulting in death but yeah that is a  stage IV prognosis which gets your SSI claim expedited and I received payment within 3 weeks of filing, no 3 to 5 month wait nor fighting a denial letter........who knew?

4.) Concentrate as a whole family on a one word goal for the year which is ALIVE...what makes us feel alive, what are we passionate about, what can we do to thrive not just survive, what makes us tick, what brings us joy, what do we find fun, what makes us feel fulfilled, what empowers us........and more! Attempting to make each family member a priority to be as happy as possible while being who they are!

5.) To pay off our Van which will be around $1800

6.) To explore and get to know our new home state

7.) To continue to make it without the help of food stamps


So there you have it, this may not be a complete list as I have not had a chance to really sit down and define or goal plan for 2015. Getting my medical stuff all transferred over was practically a full time job and of course had priority over everything. But this is a starter list of the things I know we want to accomplish!

I truly hope you all have an amazing 2015 and you accomplish everything you want out of it!

What are your goals for 2015? Leave a comment and let me know!