Thursday, January 31, 2013

Surgery cancelled

We had to go yesterday and do the pre-op lab work for the Mastectomy surgery which involved blood work, an EKG and Lung X-ray. The initial plan was to go after hubby got off work but I woke up with the pain in my side flaring up something awful. On top of this my mom told me a big snow storm was on the way. So I called hubby and told him he best get off work immediately so we could go.

When I registered for the lab work, I also registered for the emergency room since registration was mostly all in the same area. I could barely walk and the testing was just aggravating my pain, however once the lab work was done and I was on the emergency room visit part, they did give me some nice pain meds through an IV.

They did a CAT scan which showed my cancer has spread to my liver and left lung. After this they were considering getting me a bed upstairs to see a cancer doctor but called my Mastectomy surgeon instead who told them to have me come see him as soon as we were done.

Doctor Porter kept saying how he hated this part of his job and some questions I asked, he gave me those looks of please don't make me answer that. I assured him it was okay and I wanted to know.

At this point he feels surgery is pointless and gave me the option of hospice or chemo.

I asked if it was all the same statistics of 1% chance and he said yes.

I asked if I was looking at 18 months, and after really not wanting to answer that he told me he would be ecstatic if I made it a year. The way he said that, made me feel in reality he is only giving me a few months.

BUT truth is this will depend if the cancer responds well to chemo or not, Cancer has never read all the medical text books and it certainly has not ever met the likes of me.

So today I wait for the hospital to call to give me the appointment with the oncologist to start chemo.

If it gives me a 1% chance while i still have an 11 year old daughter and 14 year old son to raise, then of course I have to try for that chance. After all they are only numbers and I will not be deterred by them, I come from a long line of fighting genes.

I have made my peace regardless of the outcome but won't go down without a fight.

On a good note, I do have pain killers now!


  1. Carrie- I've been following along your blogs and admire so much your courage. I'm praying for you and asking that God heal your body of all cancers. I do have a question for you--do you know Jesus as your personal savior and Lord? I pray that you turn to Him in your time of need and that your sins be forgiven and that He gives you strength and courage to continue your fight. Love and prayers are coming your way! God bless you!!

  2. Carrie, please consider setting up a GiveForward or YouCaring website to help your family with expenses and give you some financial peace so you can focus on your fight. You seem to have a wide readership in the blogosphere and appear to be such a decent and honest person. Let people help you. I know it is probably against your nature to ask for charity but I really believe that we all must help each other sometimes. Blessings to you and your family as you start this journey.
    -Anne in MO

  3. Well ugly news and as a nurse I have suspected this from the symptoms you have been describing. This is going to be one hell of a fight. Chemo could certainly slow it down and buy you more time. Get three notebooks - One for each child and one for you. While you are waiting in chemo or where ever you need to be parked waiting - keep track of your medical stuff. Someone is going to ask something lab, testing, chemo dose, phone numbers etc ~ you get chemo brain and can't remember so it's really handy. It was for me. Write in the note book for the kids. what you felt like when you were pregnant, they were born, who they looked like. Essentially it is a mother's love story for each of them. Put in it things you want them to know about you and your husband too. It will pass the time as you wait. Now is the time to make memories. What ever you feel are up to - go for it. When you survive it. They will have their book and memories forever all the more special because it is from you.
    Sheila - Escanaba

  4. Sending you prayers and love and hope, all the way from the Pacific Northwest.

  5. Carrie I would love to make arrangements to come see you.

    Sheila--Your Long Time Friend