Online you tend to build a community of like minds.......people searching out on purpose what you write about because they want ideas, inspiration or find an interest in it. They know they can take ideas they themselves may want to try, and ignore the rest even if an idea intrigues them......they simply know that is just not for them.
Yet in real life, if you are considered a hard core frugalist........it can really make those you know really uncomfortable. You shock them that you actually make these incomprehensible financial decisions. This could be anywheres from no air conditioning, living in tiny homes, biking 25 miles in a day for edible foraging to no furniture choices.
You have not been to a movie theatre in 9 years? Why on earth not, I am sure you can afford the expense monthly!
It can really make the people you know in real life squirm, and think you have no standard of living or any quality of life.
There are levels of frugality for everyone, my level happens to make many uncomfortable and I am very aware many would never make the choices we do, even if they are in a tight situation.
This is where a thick skin helps, because what matters is that WE ARE COMFORTABLE, not complacent but comfortable and happy with our decisions, yes.
Our priorities are in building quality lasting relationships, laughter, joy, passion, Eco-friendlier, ( always needs improvement there!) generosity towards others lives.
Things do not equal status to us, Our income or line of work does not define us as individuals and fashion simply does not matter in the least to us. Our standard of living is no different than others.... it simply is just not super sized or inflated and done on small scale. Our quality of life is outstanding and quite incredible.
In real life I do not know 1 person that "gets us and our lifestyle choices" even though my mom comes the closest. My mom is very frugal but over the years I have increased many of our levels of frugality way past even what she would be comfortable with.
Yet I still do not consider myself an extremist in any way or fashion and many times to not give my choices a second thought. They are what they are in the moment of decision and is "normal" for us, second nature without thinking about it.
We splurge, we save, we work towards dreams and goals.......... just like anyone else.
We adapt, always and always come out okay, happy and blessed.
Why does it make others in real life so uncomfortable? I really am not sure........ any insight?
Yet in real life, if you are considered a hard core frugalist........it can really make those you know really uncomfortable. You shock them that you actually make these incomprehensible financial decisions. This could be anywheres from no air conditioning, living in tiny homes, biking 25 miles in a day for edible foraging to no furniture choices.
You have not been to a movie theatre in 9 years? Why on earth not, I am sure you can afford the expense monthly!
It can really make the people you know in real life squirm, and think you have no standard of living or any quality of life.
There are levels of frugality for everyone, my level happens to make many uncomfortable and I am very aware many would never make the choices we do, even if they are in a tight situation.
This is where a thick skin helps, because what matters is that WE ARE COMFORTABLE, not complacent but comfortable and happy with our decisions, yes.
Our priorities are in building quality lasting relationships, laughter, joy, passion, Eco-friendlier, ( always needs improvement there!) generosity towards others lives.
Things do not equal status to us, Our income or line of work does not define us as individuals and fashion simply does not matter in the least to us. Our standard of living is no different than others.... it simply is just not super sized or inflated and done on small scale. Our quality of life is outstanding and quite incredible.
In real life I do not know 1 person that "gets us and our lifestyle choices" even though my mom comes the closest. My mom is very frugal but over the years I have increased many of our levels of frugality way past even what she would be comfortable with.
Yet I still do not consider myself an extremist in any way or fashion and many times to not give my choices a second thought. They are what they are in the moment of decision and is "normal" for us, second nature without thinking about it.
We splurge, we save, we work towards dreams and goals.......... just like anyone else.
We adapt, always and always come out okay, happy and blessed.
Why does it make others in real life so uncomfortable? I really am not sure........ any insight?
I think it's a matter of validation. Or call it the "flocking" instinct, even in people. When others hear about your lifestyle, they either feel: a) like you're making some sort of commentary on their "wasteful" approach, or; b) they don't want to feel pressured into adopting your approach. Note that it is about THEM and not YOU. That's my take on it, anyway.
ReplyDeleteI was tightening my belt right after my divorce so I could build up some savings. (The divorce left me house rich, but cash poor.) A friend and I were talking about a gathering at her house and I asked her if I could prepare something to bring. She suggested I just pick up a bottle of wine. I told her I'd much prefer to make something since I spending money on a bottle of wine was a challenge. She completely blew me off and told me to just get the wine. We talked about it a bit a year later and I mentioned that I was feeling less stressed since I had saved enough to have an emergency fund and she was stunned. She didn't realize that I wasn't being an dramatic the year before; that despite having a good job and outward signs of prosperity, I really was nearly broke. Too bad it took her a year to figure it out.
Flocking instinct is a great way to put it Linda and yes I agree is usually about them . That is too bad about your friend!
DeleteI think we as a society are spoiled. What do you think is the most extreme thing you do that makes people the most uncomfortable? I watched a show on tv about a little chinese woman living in a big city. She foraged for food, had no air conditioning, slept on a yoga mat, everything was from dumpster diving. But the thing that made me blink was the no toilet paper. That makes me uncomfortable. Sanitary reasons.
ReplyDeleteYa know I really am not sure, as I said it is all so normal to me. Although the No furniture for a few years was a big issue for many , not for us though LOL gave us lots more floor space and less to move as we moved around a lot at that time!
DeleteCarrie, I can honestly say that I don't get all your choices. Hell, I still don't understand some of my own ;) When we started homeschooling some family members all but disowned us. It was crazy, harmful etc.. When I became pregnant 12 years after our only child I dealt with comments about our lack of planning and how difficult it would be. When we had our baby the economy tanked and we had to get creative. There are many things we don't do that people seem to think are just a normal part of living. We just don't care because at the end of the day we are happy, loved and still laughing. People say to me quite often how lucky we are to be able to just enjoy life without all the worry and stress of keeping up and bills. No matter how appealing it is to them it is still not more appealing than keeping up their status. We decided a long time ago that we wanted to be together forever. Personally speaking we wouldn't be able to keep it together if we were trying to "have it all" and still have time for each other and our children. These girls and our marriage are more important than anything money can buy. I think so many people have become so accustomed to buying happiness that they forgot were to get it for free. When they come across people who are extremely frugal they are offened that someone who appears to have so little is happier and more content than those who cannot get enough. Terri.
ReplyDelete:) Thanks for sharing Terri, I also think so many have used these luxery comforts for so long, they simply take them for granted and literally can not imagine life without them, even though many of what we have today was not availabe to the common homeowner in the 60's, 70's or even much of the 80's. I still remember being shocked from the first colored Tv I got to watch at a friends house! LOL
DeleteToo bad for people feeling uncomfortable. You have good reasons for living like you do. Your husband has health problems, so you chose to live a simpler life, to lessen the pressure on him. It is their problem, if they can't understand. Don't let them diminish you, Carrie. Ann
ReplyDelete:( I like to think I "get" your frugality levels
ReplyDeleteawwwwwwwww sweetie you do get me and I should have put that in the article my mom AND my niece! LOL you do many of the things I do , I must have had a blond moment not to include you in the Get ME crowd!
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