I have always been a planner, goal oriented, focused on productivity, over achiever, lover of charts, budgets, to do lists, notebooks, financial statements, dreamer, and what ever else people like to do to feel they have some control over their lives.
The End of December found me coming down off my month long Holiday Spirit and I am still alive High and put me face to face struggling with goals for the New Year. I have always, always used the last week of December to goal plan for the year, 5 year, 10 years and sometimes even beyond plans.
Oh I have some loose ideas all rattling around my head but have not been able to bring myself to write it down and actually make a commitment. It seems that this year, for me, goals are a huge conflict of interest. It part because it is truly hard for me to see myself beyond a year block of time, when you are told over and over you are not curable, just treatable and that the average life span of someone facing stage IV breast cancer is 30 months from the day of diagnosis.
Yet when I was diagnosed I was so far advanced that 30 months was more like 3 to 6 months and I beat those odds. It has been a year and I am still here..... I think I need to host that as an annual party!
So okay, I can now see myself very much here and a part of 2014, but 2015 is still an unknown factor, way too blurry and way too far in the future for me to predict. This has made goal planning a very difficult conflicting struggle for me!
This is not necessarily a bad thing, after all my main goal for 2013 was simply to survive which I did pretty fantastically if I do say so myself! Cancer brought an ability for me to be amazed each and every day I managed to wake up. Not only did I manage to wake up every day, but after June, started feeling better and better with each passing day.
Part of my OCD with planning and goals was always motivated by the phrase "Without Goals you wander aimlessly about, never getting anywhere." But for now in my life, maybe that's the whole point! People worry all the time about financial security, building up a retirement fund for 20 years down the road, having a plan and a map to get there and then enjoying the journey.
For me my journey is living in the moment because when I really think about it, living in the moment has never steered me wrong. People complain all the time about living pay check to pay check, about being poor, having ill health, and a multitude of other things.
But when you think about it, it all comes down to the fact that LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL and it is in the moment, we can see that. Besides if I look into my past, each time and every year I planned things out, things never went according to plan. Something always came up to change our course, always.
While I have ideas floating around and even bumping into each other around my head, I am not going to commit to any of them at this point.
2014 for me will be living in the moment, relishing in how beautiful Life is and see where it takes me. Oh I will still be looking for ways to increase my health, reduce expenses, finding free or low cost pleasures, building deep connections in my relationships and things of that nature, but it will be in a very loose format, there will be no plans for future destinations.
This does not mean I won't plan anything out, it just means I am not going to fret about it and may or may not only use a simple outline for the year ahead, make use of 30 day or other type challenges and such.
Mostly this just means I plan on making use of each amazing moment I am gifted and when I can see myself a part of 2015, then I will discuss plans for 2015. For right now I see myself a part of 2014 and this is where my focus is.
There certainly is something to be said for simply living in the moment and living for the moment, nothing less, nothing more.
I look forward to sharing our adventure this year, already I feel excitement in the air!